So I guess I will tell you a little about her... My grandma, is one of the most loving people I know. She loves her family more than anything. She has the strongest faith in life, love, and our savior. Diet coke and double mint gum are her favorite. While cosswords, phase ten, and her kindle keep her busy. She loves the sunlight in the morning, and the news at night. She hates clutter and loves her vacuum lines just right.
I lived with her and my grandpa for my first two years of college. And I'd like to say that at the time I enjoyed every second. But let's be honest, living with your grandparents who are set in their ways sometimes was just, plain. out. difficult. Like I hate to be woken up in the mornings, but grandma loved to come wake me up. By either singing "good morning to you, good morning to you, you look like a money and you act like one too" or by turning on the lights and opening the blinds and tell me that I am going to sleep my life away! I despised it! I hated waking up, like why couldn't she just let me sleep for another hour! Ha ha.. Or like when I was trying to sleep for school in the morning, and all I can hear is the blaring tv upstairs of the news or jimmy kimmel! Like WHY. WHY. WHY. Does the tv have to be so loud 😁😁 I never was aloud to do my laundry on Sundays. Which was always annoying. Because at my not so religious house, we cleaned and did laundry on Sunday because we were busy the rest of the week! Grandma always was telling me I had too many clothes or how I needed to clean my room and bathroom more.
At the time I thought I was going to go crazy. But looking back on it all, I just have funny stories! All of the questions about who I'm with and what I'm doing. All the nagging about keeping my room clean, or picking up my bathroom after each time I get ready, are now life long habits I will have, forever. Since I don't live there I now find myself opening the blinds and windows in the mornings.. Cleaning up my room and bathroom after I get ready is an everyday thing. Getting rid of clutter around my room. I find that I'm more and more like her everyday.
While I stayed there I was able to enjoy the company of her and my grandpa on a whole other level. Listening to their funny stories, watching them bicker over something petty. Even though you know they love each other with everything they have, and just being able to become close to them! I will cherish those memories forever..
Also while staying there, I gained a new best friend. My grandma is someone I can confide in, with anything and everything. From stress at work and school to boys and my siblings and parents. She listened. She always listened, and she listened and gave some of the best advise. All of it was good, even if it was what I already knew, but didn't want to hear.
She always wants the best for everyone. Even if her intentions don't come off as well to you as they sound to her, she has so much love for everyone.
But now that you know a little about her, back to the real story.
Today my grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer.
She has felt sick for quite some time and finally went to the doctor. They found a mass in her ovaries, and sent her up north to a cancer center just in case.
Today was that appointment.
While I was at work my aunt texted me about the appointment and told me that she was scheduled for surgery next Monday. I thanked her for notifying me and went back to work. When I got off I had two missed calls and a voicemail from my sister telling me to call back, and a message from my mom asking me if I had heard the news. I tried calling my sister but she didn't answer. So I messaged my mom and said about surgery on mon? She instantly called. My grandmas CT scan results came back with cancer.
Cancer.
Cancer all over in her body. In her liver. In her heart. In her tissues. In her thyroid. In her lymph-nods. In her oesophagus. EVERYWHERE.
She told me that they are going to try 5 rounds of chemo and then see where they are at to decide anything else..
I can't even begin to put into words how I feel right now.. I'm not even going to try to, it's pretty obvious of how anyone would feel..
My grandma, my best friend, is dying. There is nothing I can say. Nothing I can do. To make her better. To make everyone better. To make all the pain that all family and friends are going through right this second go away.
Of course I've asked all questions. Why, does it always happen to good people. Why her. Why now. Why, why, why? How could this happen, what could we have done different? I was instantly sad, and then angry. Sad again and numb. Numb as if this isn't real. It doesn't feel real. It can't be real.
But even though I am not a really religious person- I have faith in this moment. Faith that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. Faith that it is all for a purpose. Faith that one day we can meet again. Faith.
That's all I can do right now, cherish the moments we had, embrace the ones we will have, and have faith
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